Collected by my friend Lindazu (who finally recalled the name and password of her blogspot!!!! harheehar!!! Welcome back to blogworld)
CENTRAL BLOCK/MENTAL BLOCK
At the Philippine General Hospital, there is this place called the Central Block where the Radiology Department is located. X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan and Radiotherapy are done there. There I observed the evolution of Pinoy medical terms. Patients or “bantays” (patient watchers) would wander around and ask for directions.
** Versions of the CT Scan:
1. "Doc, where is the Siete Scan?"
2. "Doc, where can I have a CT Skull"
3. "Doc, where can I have a CT Scalp"
4. "Doc, can you tell me where the CT Scam is?"
** Many times I have been asked for directions going to the Cobalt Room.
“Doc, where is the Cobal Room?” Yes, no T. A lot of people use the term Cobal without a T. Wonder where the T went? Well, a lot of patients also ask, “Doc, where can we have an X-Tray?” So there you go. The T from cobalt when to the X-Tray.
** 8:00 am. A fellow doctor gave instructions to the patient: “Mister, you go to the Central Block and have an x-ray scheduled.”
3:00 pm. Patient just returned. Doctor is mad. “
Doctor: Mister, what took you so long? I told you to just get an x-ray schedule from Central Block and it takes you seven hours to do that?”
Patient: “Sorry, po, Doc, I waited for a long time at the gate of the Central Bank until the guard told me that they are closed today as it is Saturday.
** I rotated at the Pediatrics department of the PGH and I could see that the mothers really cared for their children. They tried their best to remember the names of their kids’ medicines and illnesses.
Doctor: Mrs., what’s the name of the medicine your daughter is taking?
Mrs 1: Doc, phenobarbiedoll po.
Doktor: Ah, maybe you mean Phenobarbital...
Doctor: Mrs., what antibiotic is your son taking?
Mrs 2: Doc, MetroManilaZole po.
Doktor: Ah, maybe you mean metronidazole.
The Recovery Room at the PGH is called the PACU (Post- Anesthesia Care Unit).
Doctor: Mrs., the surgery of your daughter is finished. You can visit her at the PACU.
Mrs 3: Eh, Doc, where in Paco? Near the church or the public market?
Doctor: Mrs. What did the previous doctor of your baby say about your child’s
Mrs 4: Eh, Doc, he said Tragedy of Fallot, po.
Doktor: Ah perhaps you mean Tetralogy of Fallot (congenital heart disease)
Mother in hysterics:
Mrs. 5: Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!
Doktor: Nurse, diazepam please, patient is having a seizure.
Doctor: (To parturient in labor) Mrs. pumutok na po ba ang panubigan mo?" (Did your
bag of water burst already?)
Mrs 7: Eh Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog. (Doc, I didn’t hear any
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS
(To my students, please don’t let me see these in YOUR charts!)
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.